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helpless, hopeless.
Good morning!
I was to check my roster this morning because of some last minute changes on a flight to Incheon, Korea this month. Instead, I found myself in Facebook, once again stalking Bernard, desperately trying to decipher every web feed from his Facebook page. Its a pathetic obsession, this one I have. I want to quit. Move on. Start anew. But just the thought of Bernard not there eats me up until I’m down to my knees, crippled and blind. Its like Ive been stabbed in the chest, and the killer made sure the knife penetrated so deep that my back is open, with my heart bleeding, for the whole world to see.
Morbid.
Friends are trying to convince me to go out more, date, basically - to get a life. I tried!! Believe me, I did! But when I’m about to have this state of euphoria with these girls I barely know, Bernard’s memory comes right back and bites me. Then I feel guilty for not having fun with him. For being with these people instead of him. My tearducts would then begin to swell, but Im too proud to cry, too proud to admit defeat. So it eats me up inside. And when the night is over, I go home, lay in bed, and see how empty I really am.
There are really no words for how I feel. Not even this entry will give justice to the pain and hurt I’m feeling now. I try to look back at the time we were broken up, the gruesome four months that pushed me to extremes. How did I survive it? Paano ko nalampasan lahat iyon? Bumagsak pa ako sa board exams. It was my family. And tin. Paul and Nico. And ALOT of prayers. I was okay pretty okay back then. Lonely, yeah, but i forced myself to be strong. To come out of this experience unscathed. And now, Im back at that black hole again. Starting over. Without Bernard. iCringe. Its for the better, I know. At hindi ko naman pwedeng pilitin si Bernard na mahalin ako, kung talagang ayaw na nya sa akin, kahit ibigay ko pa sa kanya ang mundo, hindi na maibabalik yun.
Tangna, ang sakit lang eh.
Wooooshet! Kaya ko to!
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"the kind of wound healing that is seen in deep penetrating wounds or wounds that have been sutured but eventually had evicerated; often results in a wider or deeper scar"
healing by third intention
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![thatbloodytiman:
Osama isnt that easy to trick!
thedailywhat:
Tweet of the Day: Almost had him.
[urlesque.]
haha!](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8t1e11vKE1qa8syoo1_500.png)
Osama isnt that easy to trick!
Tweet of the Day: Almost had him.
[urlesque.]
haha!
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Wow, bruno mars is hot.
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cutest thing!
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"Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You’re in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar."
on Grey’s Anatomy. (Richard to Izzy)
(Source: quote-book)
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bakit mo sya namimiss? long distance relationship ka ba ulit?
just so you know, I answered this 8 times before settling for this answer: I miss him cause were an “us”. Hindi naman long distance ang slex to nlex. Hehe. And one thing I learned, theres no such thing as “long distance” relationships. Just Relationship. :-)
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Sa hindi inaaasahan
Pagtatagpo ng mga mundo
May minsan lang na nagdugtong,
Damang dama na ang ugong nito
Hindi pa ba sapat ang sakit at lahat
Na hinding hindi ko ipararanas sayo
Ibinubunyag ka ng iyong mata
Sumisigaw ng pag-sinta
Ba’t di pa patulan
Ang pagsuyong nagkulang
Tayong umaasa
Hilaga at kanluran
Ikaw ang hantungan
At bilang kanlungan mo
Ako ang sasagip saýo
Saan nga ba patungo,
Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan
Ang bagyo ng tadhana ay
Dinadala ako sa init ng bisig mo
Bakit hindi pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin
Ipa-uubaya na lang ba ito sa hangin
huwag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako at nakikinig saýoFor my bear-
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bakit mo sya namimiss? long distance relationship ka ba ulit?
Because.. He loves my cooking. Infectious laughter. We have the best fights. Different tastes in clothing. My own human blanket. He says I look good in anything. Kisses my feet - no washing. We share starbucks. Never lets my hand go. Most of all, we LOVE dave matthews. He truly is one of a kind and I’m covered in mush now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10g6MQdX0Fo&feature=related.
